Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
