so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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