I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
