Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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