She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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