I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
