I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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