my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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