Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
