were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she smelled like a LAN party
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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