your thong is hanging out like whoa
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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