Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
