Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
