And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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