Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
