My first STD was from a foam party
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
