I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize