He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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