I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
