so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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