I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
