His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
