Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
