I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
its not stalking. its research.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
