i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This is classic penis vs brain.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
