New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
