maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
