Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
