Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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