So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize