I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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