so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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