I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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