You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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