Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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