My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
