Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
