So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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