i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
