Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
