You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I enjoy the company of your penis
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
