Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
