well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
