so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
