I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize