A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
