It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
