I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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