Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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