I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
