So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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