i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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