In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
