I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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