Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i dont even know how to be here
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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