; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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