Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
