Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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