It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
