Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
