Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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