I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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