Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
