the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hippo gnu deer
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
