I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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