he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I forget how to act sober
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
