Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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